Urban Dream Ascension

He looked over the sparkling city skyline and smiled. The night was chilly and his breath mixed with the cigarette smoke left long trails.

He was on the balcony on a skyscraper, high enough to hear nothing of the noises far below, high enough to peacefully meditate on the distant building lights, those dream like apparitions. Lights meant life and life meant stories, and at least a few of them worth listening.

But tonight he was content, tonight he was at peace with not knowing and not wondering.

He observed his mind, waiting to see if it would come up with something to say. Nothing. Nothing at all.

He chugged his drink down, stubbed the cancer stick out and lit another. Still nothing.

Smiling into the night he continued gazing at the lights, glazed eyes reflecting, watching, observing.


Of clouds, mushrooms and long trails that lead nowhere…

Kodaikanal is cold. Well, at least colder then most of the country and that pretty much explains why people flock to this awesome hill station every summer. We felt the temperature getting lower as we made our way up the hill and our ears kept popping due to the change in altitude, the view it self was breathtaking and looked like some place from Middlearth.

The taxi guys were on us even before we got our asses of the bus, and when we declined, they tried to sell us their next product: Magic mushrooms. For a fair price of 500 rupees per dozen. Pretty much everyone knows that the shrooms are one of the main attractions of the place and it seemed like every other guy was selling. We walked 4 miles towards Vattakanal and away from the little town. We got ourselves a cozy little cottage beside a tiny waterfall that passed from right before the house (you had to cross a small bridge to get across.)

Kodai is about 7,200 km above sea level, so you’re pretty much in the clouds, there is always mist around and it’s trippy as hell…especially if you’re on mushrooms 😉 The guy who rented us the cottage also happened to sell shrooms and pot. He was a 50 something typical hippie looking guy with a nappy beard and long hair, and always wore psychedelic t-shirts. We bought 9 dozens for 450 a dozen (the dried ones are 350) and a bag of pot for 500 bucks. We ate the shrooms along with some local “home-made” chocolate that a lot of stores sold, rolled a fattie, and took off into the mist.IMG_20150515_121854

About an hour later we were pretty sure we were the happiest motherfuckers on the hill, euphoria on a high place with nature around you engulfed in smoky mist is an intense combination. The green of the trees stands out like neon, and the mist just puts you off guard, so every few mins someone or the other just stops and stares into nothing. We picked up a random trail and followed it till we were pretty much lost before sitting down on the wet growth and rolling one. Just a bunch of guys, in the middle of nowhere, shooting the shit, laughing like hyenas, stoned out of our heads.    IMG_20150516_151124 IMG_20150516_151210

For the next couple of days we pretty much did the same thing, eating more and more every time (resistance builds up pretty quick) and we would just walk off in any direction that pleased us. If the trail we were following split, it took forever to decide which way to take, perhaps because verbal communication just seemed so funny and alien. We just didn’t get each other. We avoided people as much as we could, or as we called them…”AI” (too many video games). all most every time things got a little hairy, it was because people were around.


The return journey was a pain, in all senses of the word. We were tired and our legs hurt like a bitch. I could feel the heat welcoming me back about 1 hour into the journey.

At a restaurant high as a kite...i wonder what he's seeing?
At a restaurant high as a kite…i wonder what he’s seeing?

Of Summers And Heartaches

Summer is here, the semester is over and my bags are packed. It’s been an year since I joined the university but it feels so much shorter. It seems the older I grow the faster time passes. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I am an adult (legally at least). I mean, I don’t wanna grow up…who the hell wants to grow up? Grown-ups are positively repulsive. Going to work all dressed up, acting decent, saying all the right things, paying taxes, being “social” *shudders*.

My childhood was real slow, time wasn’t even a factor. I thought it would last forever, the summer haze, long lazy afternoons, playing on the grass, sitting by the lake. Damn. I never realized how cinematic it was. 

So I don’t think I wanna gonna grow up. Or at-least ever do what grown ups do. My mom thinks she will see me get married one day. Not happening. I am not gonna get a job. I’m gonna leave the first chance I get and I am going to keep going. I’ve thought about this for a while now, and it keeps getting clearer. The life the people around me expect me to have is my worst nightmare, a nightmare that will come true if I don’t start making plans. So in a couple of years I hope to be gone, away from everything I’ve ever known, and in the process I hope to unlearn everything that’s been taught to me. My heart aches with wanderlust. Summers are the worst, when things look dreamy and the promise of a potential memory to be made is strongest and the all the memories made in the past summers are clearer then ever. Summer is here, my bags are packed, and my feet are itchy and my heart aches, telling me to go…to just go, somewhere, anywhere, way out of here.

The trip.

Goa. April 24 2014. Anjuna Beach. 7:30 PM.

30 minutes after drop.

The psytrance music pounded away behind me. The night people were already getting down to it and doing their thing. Their movements fascinated me, I’ve heard of being “lost in the music” but this was redefining. I watched them for a while before walking down to the beach from where me and a friend had got a cottage and sat down. I was waiting for the stars to come out, but I was also waiting for something else. My above mentioned friend was on the “dance floor” and letting it loose. I never saw the appeal in clubs or partying anyway. Something that puts me off when it comes to sweaty, intoxicated bodies tightly packed together. No. i made this trip for one reason : Acid. well basically L.S.D.

1 Hour after drop.

It was kicking in. Was it? Or am I just imagining it? No it can’t be. Hell no, i AM tripping. this isn’t normal. Is it? I feel….light? Elevated. Can’t put my finger on it. but I definitely feel SOMETHING.
I am smoking a joint and my friend is with me. He says he feels it too. I can draw patterns in the air with the burning end of the joint and the designs hung in the air like neon lights. We had walked away from the music and it was full dark now, the music just low enough to sound relaxing and not like my bones were in sync with the bass. I sipped on coconut water. I can’t remember now where we got coconut water.

90 Minutes after drop.

The sky was full of spaceships and gigantic space stations. Yes, i could differentiate. They were at war I think. Multiple ships firing at each other and the missiles or whatever were leaving long beautiful, colorful streaks and exploded as they hit their mark on the enemy ships. The sea was not water but people. Naked people. All sorts of naked people. Young, Old, Men, Women, Children, and they were all rolling over each other and crashing onto the beach. Just like water except they were naked people. The smoke from whatever I was smoking was turning into flowers. I was exhaling flowers, and they would float away into the sky. A bunch of people walked by us and they moved in speed motion. I could barely see them. Just hazy moving figures. I looked at my buddy and he turned to look at me. His eyes, nose and lips started melting like candle wax. I burst into laughter and so did he. And we laughed for what seemed like eternity, clutching at each other, tears running down our eyes. we laughed for a long time.

2 hours after drop.

We stared to walk back to our hotel room to get more pot. I wanted to smoke it in the bong i had bought earlier that day. We had to pass through the hoard of dancing hippies (everyone LOOKED like hippies at least). Their bodies fascinated me. I could barely seE them but when they were dancing it seemed…other worldly. As pretentious as that sounds I can’t think of how else to say it. We made it to our room. my friend got to the pot when he suddenly yelled, jumped back and chucked the pot across the room. “Hey what the fuck man?!”. “Ants bro! The pot’s filled with fucking ants!.” “You’re tripping, you know that right? There’s no fucking ants”. I picked up the pot and sure enough there were thousands of the little bastards all over the pot. “See?! Told you’re stupid ass there’s ants in the fucking pot.” “Dude, there’s no ants OK? It’s in our head man. Think about it. No don’t look closer you imbecile that’s not going to help.Let’s just rip one. here, I’ll go first.”

15 Minutes later.

“Bro?” I was rolling on the floor laughing so hard I thought I was going to cough up my stomach. i actually thought I was going to cough up my stomach. I could feel it slowly loosening itself from the rest of my gut and moving up my food pipe. My friend was trying to pull smoke from an empty bong. the mattress of one of the beds had a deep, black hole in it from where he had put out a cigarette unwittingly. “Bro you gotta fill the bong first”, I manged to gasp at him between bursts of laughter. The look on his face sent me into another fit and i curled up on the floor and tried to keep my stomach inside where it belonged.

we step out of the room, eyes red as hell, looking stupid high. I saw psychedelic patterns on the walls, the floor, and my pants looked like plastic. We moved to the dance floor and all cosmos broke loose.
I danced. Or moved. Whatever. It’s a big deal. I had 2 left feet. Always did. But not then. I danced. And it felt natural. I don’t remember what I did, I just remember doing it and it felt like energy. I felt like I was energy, moving to the music. No body. Just pure energy moving to the beat. I found myself with a girl Once and we danced together. Her hair was snakes. She had dreadlocks and each dread lock was a snake and they wanted to bite me whenever she got too close. I kept an eye on them. ” Do you want to touch it?” she yelled over the music. I laughed and touched her hair. ” It’s lovely.” I yelled back. She laughed. I don’t remember when we drifted away and I never saw her again. A pity. I don’t remember her face, but she sure had pretty hair.

_____ Hours\Minutes after drop.

The concept of time doesn’t exist. We made it up. It just doesn’t make sense, It’s in our head.
“Water.” “Yeah, we’re going just wait”.
I don’t remember how long I danced. I don’t understand what “How long” is. All i know is i am thirsty. very very thirsty. And we didn’t have any. My friend wanted to ride so I got on the back of the scooter we hired. We moved away from the strip and left the music behind us and made our way to the closest shop which was…a km away? couple of km’s? I don’t remember. I do remember seeing ghosts around me. And dark figures standing right behind the street lights where the light doesn’t shine. Naz’gul, I thought.
I gulped down the water. The streets were empty.There weren’t many shops open either. I was beginning to feel paranoid. I kept looking around for cops (not that we were doing anything wrong). we made our way back the beach after that.


I threw up violently. Fears coming true about my stomach. I was sure. No. Just the beer I drank earlier. And chicken. Is that peas? I don’t remember eating peas. Or anything with peas in it. Great. Now the the vomit is a smiley face. I was on the beach. But where exactly? Can see the trees breathing. Can see the roots in the ground like those moving LED lights, taking in life energy from the ground. More puke. I just puked from my nose. Gross. I am shaking. my friend is a few feet away. He looks scared.Not for me. Something else I think. The shaking gets worse. I look up at the sky and take a deep breath in. relax. Gotta relax. Am sweating.Practically drenched. Why is my friend so silent? Is he alive? i shove him with my leg. He gasps like I startled him and looks at me, eyes big and scared. At least he’s alive. The ground is not dirt. It’s snakes. Millions of them. Not just snakes. Reptiles. Lizards, crocs and comodo dragons. Figures in the dark, walking in OUR direction with purpose. Must run. Must tell my friend. “Dude we gotta go, we’re in trouble. there’s people coming.” He looks at me like I just told him the devil has come for him. Then he got up and ran. Son of a bitch is running in the wrong direction. Towards them. “The other way!” Too late. Can’t hear me. I run after him. Can’t see the figures anymore. Reptiles at my feet. Almost got me. Must keep running. can’t see my friend. Did they get him? Cold fangs on my feet. I yell, jump and stumble. Just the water. I should go back to the cottage. Maybe he’ll be there. But which way? I look around. am alone. all alone. which way? Thirsty. Snakes. Must keep moving. I yell his name, my voice scares me so I stop. Chill. just chill. it’s just a bad trip, relax.
That’s right I should just fucking call him. I do. It rings. I can hear the phone somewhere around. He picks up.
“Bro that you on the beach?”
“You fucking son of a cunt where the fuck you at?!”
He comes out of hiding: from behind the wall that separates the beach from the hotel and restaurant strip.
“I thought you were them” he says.
“We’re tripping bad bro, we better get back to the cottage.”
he nods.
“Do you know which way it is?”
He looks in either direction “Umm…”

4:30 am April 24 2014.

There’s a beautiful naked women on the roof of my cottage. Like a painting. Still wet. And she was moving. Slowly. Very sexy. I am calmer now. Finally back in our room after wandering around for…i don’t know how long. But the naked painting woman was helping my case.

earlier that day.
earlier that day.