A Practical Solution

He gave up looking for the pills and looked around the wrecked room.

He’d knocked most of the things around in his feverish frenzy. Trying to breath calmly, he focused on his heart pounding against his chest and ignored his thoughts and the rising anxiety. It was worth trying.

He gives in, and thinks of alternatives. One presents itself. Not very healthy. Not very practical. But there is the promise of effectiveness.

He steels himself, walks slowly to the wall and leans, resting his head against the cold plaster. Slowly lifting his clenched fist he begins knocking it against the wall.

Slowly at first, just a gentle knocking. And then faster, harder.

Before long he’s pounding with all his might. Over and over again, with tears starting to flowing down his face.

A muffled scream escapes even as he clenches his jaw tighter. The fist stops mid air and he lets it drop to his side. The blood slowly trickles down to the floor into a pool, next to a smaller puddle of tears from his face.

He listens for any thoughts that might pop up. But there’s no space for thought. The pain dominates everything else.

Pain kills pain. The irony is not lost on him as he chuckles through the tears. Pain, the painkiller.

And then it comes. A silhouette of a face. A scent. The essence of a memory. Vibrant, alive, breathing.

His body shakes as a torrent of energy takes over him. Anger. Self-loathing. Despair. Pain.

But mostly anger.

He clenches his fist again and raises it and throws it against the wall with everything he’s got.

A crack. Followed by his bellowing.

He collapses unto the floor, writhing in pain, and listens to his own repressed screams bouncing off the walls, clutching his broken, mangled fist.

 

LATER

He lights a cigarette and watches the city’s skyline through the rain, smoke rising up in disturbed patterns. Patched up hand still throbbing, he focuses on the twinkling city lights with moist eyes. They were seldom dry these days.

He leans out the balcony and stretches out his better hand to the rain, and the rain embraces it with cold droplets. He looks down, 15 stories down. A long way to go. He sighs and steps back, pulling long and hard at the cigarette.

Death was a solution he couldn’t afford yet.

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The Unbroken

the clouds moan above as if in sympathy,
for the silent one below
and then the tears roll,
hurtling down on the lone one

head raised to the skies,
only thing colder then him is his heart
an empty smile to the heavens,
he hears the silences between the thunder

timeless, sacred child,
no one can break his heart
this unholy defiance of love,
might scare some, but not him,
wild one below

blessed aloneness amongst a pit of writhing souls,
incredibly vulnerable and yet unbreakable
blessed one, dreaming of ascension,
amid the tears and cries of the skies.

Death From Love Shower

She was 5 foot 1 inch, maybe 2, definitely not more then 3. Huge eyes that could stare into your soul and if you looked into them too long you, would forget what you were saying.

For someone so small she was quite bossy. So when I refused to move a couple of seats so that she could sit next to the air-conditioner, her face turned sour, her fists clenched and she called me “pig headed dick”. I think that’s when I fell for her.

I had to bend down to kiss her even when she was standing on her toes.

Her hands pulling my hair.

Her scent.

And her eyes…those goddamn eyes. Staring into my soul.

The Kiss Eternal.

“Your an idiot, did i ever tell you that?”
“Only a couple of million times babe”.
she chuckled and punched him on the side.”I could get used to this you know?”
“Yeah, me too”.
She snuggled closer to him as the cold wind blew past them, and they stared across the ocean. Silent.His eyes were closed.The waves sounded beautiful. The wind blew her hair across his face and he breathed in her scent. And tried to keep it in.
He opened his eyes as she laughed out loud. “One of these days you’re gonna pass out babe”. He laughed with her. She breathed in deeply and sighed. She stared into the distance.
He stared at her.
“What?” she said without turning.
He remained silent. She turned to look at him. He was smiling. “What?”
“You.” he smiled. She laughed and was till laughing when he leaned in quickly and kissed her. “Cheap shot”,she laughed as she pushed him away “you’re an idiot babe”.
And they laughed together.