“We’re a generation of men raised by women”

Quote’s from Fight Club for those who are wondering.

A generation of clueless men. A generation trying to live up to some imaginary expectations of a vague entity.

So the question is, what makes a man? Cliched? Sure. Pertinent? Undoubtedly. Forget what a women expects of you, forget how you’re supposed to be like and forget everything you thought you knew about how society works. Empty the cup. Make space. And maybe we’ll figure it out. Maybe.

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SoulKill Theory

Do you know the difference between being alone and being lonely?
Everybody wants to be alone from time to time, but nobody ever wants to be lonely.

He’d switched his phone off an hour ago. Rum and coke, cigarettes, a spliff and himself. Two hours later, head in the toilet, vomiting his soul out, he did not notice the watch go by 12:00. Happy birthday.

I saw a man cry in the rain at 2 in the morning on an empty street. I was on the balcony of a friend’s apartment and just staring out into the splatter when i saw him, he walked steady. The last guy i saw was drunk and that was 20 minutes ago, he was pretty fucked up. But this guy was sober. He stopped and held the lamppost, and then i saw him clutch at his chest like it hurt. Heart attack? Then he was shaking, and then he turned his face my way and i saw it. The sorrow, the sadness, the pain. He must have been there for 2-3 minutes. I did not take my eyes off him. His shaking eventually ceased and he was just standing there, drenched, face down. And he lifted his face up to the sky, the rain beating down on and he sighed. I remember thinking that must have felt good, the sigh. And he looked around as if to see if someone was watching. He never saw me and he probably thinks no one saw him. But i did. I saw him that night.

“Please”.
Something very depressing about begging nothing in particular to stop doing or being nothing in particular to ease your pain. Please what? Who are you talking to? What do you want? But nothing. Just “please”.

Of Waters Unending.

The first time I went to a beach, I was around 10, and I loved it so much I promised myself I would live right next to one when I grew up. It’s been almost 9 years since and the beach is a thirty second walk from my university. Something about them…Something cosmic, Something larger then life. But I can’t quite put my finger on it…but it matters not I guess. Labels do nothing but limit reality.

The Kiss Eternal.

“Your an idiot, did i ever tell you that?”
“Only a couple of million times babe”.
she chuckled and punched him on the side.”I could get used to this you know?”
“Yeah, me too”.
She snuggled closer to him as the cold wind blew past them, and they stared across the ocean. Silent.His eyes were closed.The waves sounded beautiful. The wind blew her hair across his face and he breathed in her scent. And tried to keep it in.
He opened his eyes as she laughed out loud. “One of these days you’re gonna pass out babe”. He laughed with her. She breathed in deeply and sighed. She stared into the distance.
He stared at her.
“What?” she said without turning.
He remained silent. She turned to look at him. He was smiling. “What?”
“You.” he smiled. She laughed and was till laughing when he leaned in quickly and kissed her. “Cheap shot”,she laughed as she pushed him away “you’re an idiot babe”.
And they laughed together.

Right And Wrong….And Everything In Between.

Is anyone ever wrong? No one told me or you it’s wrong to kill your mother or any other person for that matter but we know this is wrong. It is a basic sense of right and wrong that is an integral part of humanity that has been passed down through the generations. So what about the crimes that are legally termed as crimes and everyone (not really everyone but lets go with it) collectively agrees is bad and we punish that person who has committed the crime. But does the collective agreement of what is right or wrong really make it right or wrong? Ok let’s go basic : what is wrong and right? How did we reach this position where (it seems) we have a set of activities/actions that are “right” and ”wrong”? Noble cause corruption. The idea that people might use unethical/unjust/immoral means to reach an end that is for the ”greater good”. But our perspectives are limited (debatable). We see the story from our eyes. We are always the good guys. The victim. The martyr. The person to whom things happen. And we all have a perspective, so unless a person accepts by himself/herself that what they did was wrong and punish themselves as they seem fit, it is unfair to punish/persecute them legally or otherwise. If the judgement is coming externally it is a false one. It’s gotta be. Who are others to pass judgement? What authority do they have and how did they acquire it?A state of nature a.k.a pre social contract (theory) seems to be the ideal sate of human existence. but what about the murderers, the rapists, the thieves and the stronger crushing the weaker when there is no legal institution or an external entity that punishes the wrong doers? Always assuming the wrong doers will fear the consequences of the punishment and restrain from committing the crime? isn’t the will to harm punishable if the restraint only comes due to the fear of punishment? Because the intention is still there. It’s a part of the person. But we accept that or rather do not concern ourselves with that because it doesn’t affect ”reality”(not like we CAN do anything, hence the punishment should be self inflicted). So we are not in a state of nature. We have courts, legal institutions that are meant to prevent ”bad” things. well guess what…bad things happen everyday, every minute, every second all around you. You are walking amongst the abusers and the abused. ”They” is us. A sports team representing your town or university is cheered when won, you boast of the things that people around you achieve as long as they represent your school, your frat house, your society, nation, religion whatever. But when two girls are raped, violated, humiliated, and then hung from a tree by the members of their own village (their crime being that they were born females and fell in love with men outside their caste{one more concept created by the collective}) we isolate the case. We sympathize but it pretty much ends there. But the judgement to rape and kill them came from external ”authority” (the village panchayat). So if a majority of us are the ”bad” guys doesn’t that make us the good guys? just because we are stronger the other side wont have a choice but to conform to what we then term as ”right” and ”wrong” and eventually it will get itched into the minds of the collective whole and a few generations later even the notion of questioning is gone, thus completely rendering the concept of good and bad obsolete. We don’t accept the rapists, the murderers and the wrong doers. Suddenly they are outsiders and you have nothing to do with them. Hypocrites. that’s what we are. Do you break down and cry when a kid goes to his school and shoots his peers? Probably. but do you do the same when another kid joins the army and does the killing in another nation? different people. same blood. but it’s for a ”cause” you might say. But a cause can be created. it can be made of nothing. so it’s back to what is and what isn’t. Do you look inside and around and realize that you grew up in the same society as the rapists, the killers, the common thieves? But you are nothing like them, oh no! You would never do something like that. Because you are you. The good guy. And yet you are the same. The product of an abomination called society. Society is a concept. It is abstract. You can communicate with people, talk to them, debate, reach an agreement e.t.c but when it is ”society” its is an institution. It’s not really there. And you cant’ communicate with something that doesn’t really exist. So what is right and wrong? I have no idea.

I am sorry if you were expecting a conclusion to this….mmmm…..what do i call it? rant? Just a sudden urge to write under the Influence of a certain mind altering substance i guess. Anyway there is no conclusion. I have no answers. I don’t know much of anything. And i would hate to look like am trying to say something profound because am not…