And then there was nothing.

School made me nervous.
Exams made me nervous.
Result day made me nervous.
Girls made me nervous.
Tomorrow made me super nervous.

Then I started getting high.

The cigarettes fucked my lungs.
The pot fucked my motivation.
The porn fucked my emotions.
The television fucked my perception.

Then I stopped.

I stopped smoking pot and drinking booze.
I stopped jacking off to pixels.
I started going to the gym.
I started getting things done.

I got clean.

The nervousness increased.
The restlessness increased.
The desperation increased.
The anger.
The fear.
The self-loathing.
More frustration.

Now am here.

Still no sex.
still no money.
Still no clear direction.
Still emotionally fucked.

But I woke up the other day at 5 in the morning as usual and I went out the terrace. I saw the stars and the moon, and I watched them till the sun peaked out. Then I watched the sun. And heard the birds sing. And breathed in the cool morning air. Salty from the ocean nearby.

My mind empty.

My soul calm.

I didn’t want anything anymore. Too tired.

Too tired from trying.

So i just watched.

And I let go…

🙂

I let go.

Advertisements

One thought on “And then there was nothing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s